Perspectives

My belief in absolutes diminishes each day. Relativism, somehow, provides more room for maneuver than any universal societal standard can. Take my own example, daily emotional upheavals apart (Grad student life has enough drama believe me - Ektaa Kapoor are you listening?), life is pretty even keel. The responsibilities (if they can be called thus ;) are structured and daily choices are not dictated by compromises or servileness. I am doing something supposedly worthwhile and progressive. I can think of myself as an independent person whose life encompasses a supportive family, great friends, good opportunities and enriching experiences. Seems like I would be in an enviable position right? Good enough to stay thankful and contended would'nt you think?

But here's the paradox - the world around me does'nt think so! Surely a hedonistic lifestyle such as this cannot be fulfilling! One comment that is routinely thrown about by most well meaning and concerned folks (with a disapproving look and sympathetic tone) is "So when are you going to settle down?" Huh???? "Settle" meaning? Relegating to one place and growing roots (wow! look at those tertiary roots sprouting from my calves - now THAT would be unsettling!)Or getting married, having a bunch of kids and finding bliss in home and hearth (is'nt that a tad bit overrated?). True I am a student and in some ways my life has'nt really encountered a paradigm shift that people associate with adulthood. It does not mean though that it is not wrought with challenges and responsibilities - we have after all uprooted ourselves from our familiar environs and are trying to re-establish (and probably rediscover) our identities. Does'nt it sound adult enough?

Coming back to the original point (oh there is one) - what defines "being settled"? Is it measured by personal, rather universal milestones - like graduation, marriage, kids, more kids, no more kids ;) or is it a state of mind? Which one should I be striving for? "Both", would probably be a smart alecky answer esp. if you take it to mean as being in equilibrium with your surroundings. Why does my being happy in my current existence seem to be in conflict with societal norms? Especially since this state is not really detrimental to anyone else in the society?

One advantage with absolutes is that you can compare and contrast - happiness being such a subjective parameter - how would you know otherwise who has made it in this world and who has not. But really is that a valid, leave alone an accurate indicator? Whatever the rationale, does it not seem a little arbitrary that "settlement" or "happiness" (if they are analogous) are implicated from these so called "milestones". If only that was what it took to be at peace with oneself! The kicker is that because of these assumptions, instead of feeling at ease with my choices, I end up becoming more and more defensive about them ....... when I need not be. Or should I?